New Nicolas Cage Film Definitely Isn’t Ghost Rider 2

There’s a new Nicolas Cage movie coming out that somehow manages to make the script for Ghost Rider look like Citizen Cane. Drive Angry features Nicolas Cage once again trying to defeat minions from hell (insert Hot Topic graphics) who kidnapped his baby, or maybe they killed his family- I don’t know, something to that effect. Either way, I can’t help but think this movie started out a Ghost Rider 2 and, in an effort to avoid visually assaulting viewers for a second time, was stripped for parts and made into this somewhat similar derivative.

Judging by the preview, which features such original lines as, “I thought you were dead!” and “Hell is going to walk the earth”, the film seems to be rife with Cage-ish motifs such as the quad-barreled shotgun, effortless hand to hand combat and anthropomorphic cars from hell. Although Cage’s involvement with this film may be due to him buying one too many castles in the recent past, one can’t help but assume Cage is concentrically working through all the 7 circles of movie-goer hell. Bonus: It’s in 3-D, so you’ll be able to catch all the crap that’s flying at you from the screen as if it were really there.

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