Cyber Parking Wars

So it turns out your reoccurring dream- where you repel through the glass ceiling of the Bureau of Administrative Adjudication, slam a BS parking ticket on the table, throw open the double doors and then stroll out victorious into a heavenly white light -will never translate to reality, because City Council will likely move Philly’s Parking Wars to the cyber battlefield.

Ostensibly, the plan will end the BAA’s battle of attrition, which has locals waiting an entire day to contest a measly, albeit unwarranted, $35 parking violation. But while City Council is currently weighing the new proposal that would allow drivers to contest violations online or by phone, Councilman Bill Green, who co-sponsored the bill, actually wants to take the online aspect one step further- by incorporating Skype.

He told CBS 3, “We won’t have to build any equipment in our system whatsoever. Those conference calls can be recorded, and the record will exist for later appeal through the use of modern technology.”

I’m sorry, but this just reminds me of those half-baked plans from your not-so-tech-savvy, school librarian whose myopic understanding of AOL convinced your teacher to turn your next field trip into a virtual tour of the Dole salad factory (true story).

We dig the innovative idea Councilman Green, but we’re going to assume you’ve never actually used Skype, because, if you had, you’d know that it’s consistently unreliable; defendants will likely end up pleading “[buffering]— guilty” to “parking in a— [buffering] exploding zone.”

City Council should take a vote on the issue sometime next month. The Directory of the BBA, Jerry Connors, is open to the idea, but warns of a potentially intractable influx of cyber freedom fighters once the process is streamlined.

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