Profiles in Heckling: Tom Cassidy

For as long as the performer has existed, boorish audiences around the globe have conspired to usurp their moment of glory. It began in ancient Greece, and it continues today in one of the most savage and insipid places on Earth: Philadelphia. Our only hope to unburden the theatric realm of this scourge? Douse these cretins in nature’s most powerful disinfectant: light.

We present to you, Profiles in Heckling…


I think it was Steve Martin who said, “Distraction is the #1 enemy of a comedy show.” Distractions can come in many different forms, but the big three are bad lighting, shitty sound and hecklers. In my short comedy career, I have come across hecklers of all sizes and shapes. Once, at the Laff House, a hoodlum stood up during my set and screamed out “I’M GONNA F**K YOU UP AFTER THE SHOW!” To which I replied, “I bleed for this comedy shit!” and then he beat the shit out of me (just kidding, I left unharmed).

Most people are at a comedy show to enjoy it, but there’s a select group of morons that are there because they think they’re part of the show. It’s the comedians’ job to get them to pipe down and to do it in the funniest and most creative way possible. I used to tell hecklers to just shut the F**K up, but that only goes so far (just ask my mom).

The woman in the video below was not an average heckler, in fact, after the first minute of me addressing her, she didn’t even know I was talking about her. She was on the complete other side of a long room, so I could hear her talking loudly, but I couldn’t understand what she was saying.

It turns out she was on the phone, speaking some foreign European language (I assume she was talking to one of her mail-order bride friends). She could claim ignorance in that she didn’t know you’re not suppose to talk at a comedy show, but the American who was with her should have had the good sense to tell her to keep it down or, at least, to wait in the trunk.

Please watch and enjoy and keep it down! (Language is NSFW)

Written by Tom Cassidy @CassidyComedy

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