Frank Rizzo died in 1991. And even though his body is presumably more dust than it is solid bone by now, a local vandal decided that this past weekend would be a good time to deface his mural at 9th and Montrose to make some sort of general political statement about the former Philadelphia mayor.
On Saturday, the extremely irrelevant vandal (whom we’re calling the worst social activist ever) smeared black paint over Rizzo’s enormous cranium. We’re assuming that that same person also wrote the word “fascista,” which is Italian for an Italian fascist, under the giant head of Rizzo.
The Mural Arts Program’s investigative unit is on the case, and they’ve announced that Rizzo’s face will be graffiti-free by the end of the day. But that still doesn’t explain why someone felt it was necessary to publicly scrutinize a political figure who croaked right around the time Nirvana’s “Nevermind” was released. There are few plausible explanations, but we’re going to give it a shot for fun- and because there’s really nothing else to cover during
soul-crushing slow news summer. Here we go:
1) The vandal recently awoke from a 20-year coma and is still pissed about this little gem Rizzo reportedly dropped during his 1975 reelection campaign: “Just wait after November you’ll have a front row seat because I’m going to make Attila the Hun look like a faggot.” (Hey, it’s on Wikipedia, so it has to be true.)
2) Frank Rizzo’s ghost returned from after-life to deface his own mural because it “makes him look jowly.” He then haphazardly spray-painted “fascista” to throw off various super-natural investigators and the like.
3) A time-travelling gypsy accidentally mistook him for Sandusky.
4) The vandal is really, really stupid.
There you have it; those are the only possibly explanations. Unless, former councilman Frank Rizzo Jr. was somehow involved. Wait, methinks I’ve said too much…
Source and photos: Philly.com