Philadelphia: Best Philly Morning Radio

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Best Philly Morning Radio
January 6, 2010

By: Chris Lipczynski - Editorial@aycmedia.com
A Temple University graduate, Chris Lipczynski's love affair with Philadelphia has afforded him an intimate knowledge of even the darkest recesses of the city. Like warm butter slowly melting into the nooks and crannies of a delicious English muffin, he scours the city with a warrior-like mentality to bring to you all that is Philly.

Morning radio, the medium that dares to entertain on you on your morning drive to work, operates rather like a John Waters’ film--it’s filled with often inarticulate and vile personalities, an inconceivable number of human excrement references and you either love it or hate it. It suffices to say that there are plenty of Philly morning radio show that possess the distinct ability to ruin my mornings with their revolting golden voices dripping in cheese, obnoxious catchphrases and long, incoherent audio clips that seem to be about nothing (Exhibit A, below).

The truth is that most of you are right to wince at these commercial-laden, pitiful excuses for entertainment. Yet, fact remains that providing quality entertainment at such a crucial point in one’s day is a difficult task, especially on the radio. That’s why we here at Aroundphilly.com are proud to present our breakdown of Philly’s morning radio. Covering a random selection of some of the most popular morning radio shows in Philly, the following information can save you from having to listen to Lac Shmi Sing and other NPR hosts whose names sound like foreign food ingredients.

WMMR Preston and Steve

Description: A local favorite, The Preston and Steve Show is by far the most impressive example of entertainment between the hour of 6 and 11am., aside from watching re-runs of Saved By the Bell. At first listen, the show might seem like your average talk radio, what with all the unnecessary sound clips and their “Hottie Cam” (on the radio?), but I can assure that it is worthy of your listen . Steve, the most eloquent comedian I’ve ever heard and who has the lexicon of an Oxford English Professor, maintains the unbelievable ability to make me laugh hysterical even during a Debbie Gibson interview. Above all else, the show has an intimate relation with the Philadelphia and its citizens, putting on numerous local events that are great excuses to get wasted for a good cause, usually. Try and get past all the inside jokes and give it a week like I did and wait for the CDs in your back seat to disintegrate.

Rating: 4 out of 4 Gay Bears

94.1 WYSP The Danny Bonaduce Show

Description: WYSP, the station that continues to play the same garbage 90s songs you used to hear on your way to soccer practice (Breakfast at Tiffany’s, are you kidding me?) features the one and only dysfunctional mindf*&k that is Danny Bonaduce on weekday mornings. Now I for one like Danny Bonaduce. I found his drug-frenzied antics on the show, Breaking Bonaduce, made my own demons seem dainty in comparison. But you have to admit that listening to his show would be sort of like waking up next to Danny Bonaduce every morning, an experience I’m sure thousands of middle-aged, bi-polar, insecure woman already regret. For instance, the recurring bit, Danny Bonaduce Life Coach, in which callers ask general life advice from Danny, reminds me of Jerry Springer’s final thought or what is essentially akin to putting whip cream and sprinkles on a turd. In addition, his show features some Grade-A D-bag named Metro. I don’t know who this guy is but his name oozes a wanna-punch-in-the-face aura. In summation I suggest listening to the Danny Bondauce during Preston and Steve’s commercial breaks as I do.

Rating: 2 empty vodka bottles out of 4

Wired 96.5 Chio in the Morning

Description: Chio in the Morning is the quintessential morning talk show radio cheese that has given the medium’s reputation its objectionable connotation. Bits like Idiot Criminal of the Day make Jay Leno’s writers look like Monty Python all while making my dream to become a comedy writer seem like a terrible idea. I’ve laughed harder at the end of my Popsicle than I ever would at this cheeseburger. Sweet chain Chio, where’d you get that, from my 8th grade locker? Add all this to fact that Chio sounds like he has entire cheese steak in his mouth while constantly the verge of vomiting makes this show the most vapid and unappealing talk radio rivaling the Sean Hannity Show. The only redeeming is their female on-air personality who is very attractive, a quality that fails to shine through when you’re working ON THE RADIO.

Rating: 0 annoying douche bags out of 4

The Michael Smerconish Morning Show

Description: Michael Smerconish, seen here looking a smug, Jewish Bruce Willis, hosts the politically driven The Michael Smerconish Morning Show on weekday mornings. Now considered more of a pseudo-conservative after admitting his allegiance for Obama, Smerconish (whose name sounds like foreign breakfast pastry) maintains a right-center political perspective while discussing national and local issues. As far as political talk radio, Smerconish is pretty much your run of the mill except he’s about as threatening as a dog chew toy. His book book, Murdered by Mummia, addresses the social backlash that arose after the murder trial of Mummia making him Snapple’s arch nemesis.

Rating: 3 out of 4 Snapple caps

100.3 The Beat Morning Show

Description: Recently booted DJ Charlamagne (whose name sounds like a King of the Frankish Empire) used the be the slick voice 100.3 The Beat’s Morning Show until he said something that Jay-Z or some other ego-maniacal rapper disliked and was fired by flaky programming execs. Now we hear that DJ Touchstone is taking over. Hip-hop at 7am falls short in providing me with a proper start to my day. Morning radio is already hard enough to bear without having to hear some ultra tough, public persona talk about the what happened at The Source Awards. It wouldn’t surprise if all the DJs at The Beat experienced regular night terrors from spending their entire career life within the first 15 seconds of a T-Payne song.

Ratings: 1 out of 4 Lil Jons Krumpin