Everywhere you look someone somewhere is telling you what to buy for the holidays. Although Hyundai thinks a car with a bow is perfect for your beau, we here on Earth know that your holiday budget is lower, your recipient list is more complex and your wrapping skills more lazy. So we’ve put together a realistic holiday guide, one that will actually be useful when it comes to the crazy people you seem to associate with.
Zoo York Coat, Murmur Military Jacket
Recipient: Uber-cool, hipster boyfriend
Reaction To Expect: “Now I don’t have to wear that hideous multi-colored jacket I found in the lost and found at the Student Center!”
Reasons You’ll Want One: It’ll make you look even more hip than your thick-rimmed eye glasses and sideways haircut.
Wrapping Suggestion: Use the most hideous wrapping paper print you can find to make your present just THAT indifferent to social trends and styles.
Cost: $120
Where To Find It: Center City Macy’s
Litl Webbook
Recipient: Man or woman about town (with no uses for the dead weight of a desktop)
Reaction To Expect: “This is perfect for getting all that work I couldn’t get done before on that 7-minute subway ride home from work.”
Reasons You’ll Want One: Who wouldn’t want a fully functional computer that can fit in your purse or pocket, double as a picture frame/weatherman/Flickr show on steroids?
Wrapping Suggestion: Something stylish, yet understated, that shows you understand their incessant need to be mobile and hip at the same time.
Cost: $699
Where To Find It: Litl
Iosselliani Lion and Leopard Necklace
Recipient: For your not-too trendy girlfriend or significant other
Reaction To Expect: “Will this match those grey sweat pants I always wear?”
Reasons You’ll Want One: Its perfect for fun or play and will get you one step closer to actually being Sarah Jessica Parker.
Wrapping Suggestion: A brown paper bag may not cut it this time. Try a nicely decorated professional wrap job so you don’t come off like a hasty gift giver.
Cost: $805
Where To Find It: Third Street Habit
Philadelphia Phillies 1980 Road Jersey – Mike Schmidt
Recipient: Disgruntled Phillies Fan who just can’t wait until next season
Reaction To Expect: Expect a single tear drop, reminiscent of last season, followed by a battle cry for next year.
Reasons You’ll Want One: Who doesn’t yearn to sport to old school Phillies colors?
Wrapping Suggestion: Preferably folded into a season ticket package for the Phillies next season.
Cost: $250
Where To Find It: Mitchell and Ness
Leopard Chain Mesh Cig Case
Recipient and Personality: The token Jersey girl on your list
Reaction to Expect: Since Jersey girls are often subconsciously drawn to animal prints, this “cig” case is sure to please. Warning: it may clash with the cheetah print cardigan she’ll undoubtedly be wearing on Christmas morning.
Reasons You’ll Want One: The vintage-inspired clasp and mesh will remind you of a time when smoking was fun and good health was subjective.
Wrapping Suggestion: An embellished girly gift bag will do the trick.
Cost: $14
Where to Find It: Urban Outfitters (online only)
Puma x Ubiq sneakers
Recipient and Personality: Your Eagles-obsessed boyfriend with a pact against dress shoes.
Reaction to Expect: The combination of Puma, the Eagles, an awesome high-top style and the aura of exclusivity (quantities are extremely limited) means this gift will set the bar high for everyone else, including his mother.
Reasons to Want One: Wearing a sneaker design based on the Eagles’ game time jersey is a Philadelphia man’s dream. It features a metallic leather heel panel, a “700” pin at the bottom of the laces and zig-zag stitching. Puma (via Ubiq) has managed to create a sneaker laced with Philly pride.
Wrapping Suggestion: Eagle-green paper is a must. This is the perfect opportunity to serve up a new jersey, too.
Cost: $95
Where to Find It: Ubiq
Matthew Izzo starfish table
Recipient and Personality: The tree-hugger and environmental activist (the one that won’t enter a house with a deforested pine tree)
Reaction to Expect: Before they have a conniption at the sight of a tree on legs, remind them that it’s merely a “slice top” (no full trees were harmed).
Reasons You’ll Want One: These gorgeous tables are a fusion of organic and industrial. You may choose from three heights: 12”, 15” or 18.” Pair it with a minimalist sofa and a paper lantern.
Wrapping Suggestion: Don’t wrap it. Instead, put it outside, under a tree and take your lucky environmentalist outside to show them. Add a giant red bow on top for pizzazz.
Cost: $595
Where to Find It: Matthew Izzo (online only)
Vintage Orient rainboots
Recipient: The high-maintenance girlfriend with an addiction to designer duds
Reaction to Expect: While we don’t know a girl that doesn’t want to be clad in Burberry, the combination of tartan and wellies may scare some. Moovculture takes it one step above high-end mall rats with their Pink Sakura design; if she doesn’t love them, reevaluate your relationship pronto.
Reasons You’ll Want One: While her friends are clutching the same three Burberry bags and wallets, she’ll stand out in these sweet pink galoshes.
Wrapping Suggestion: Attach the gift tag to a mini-umbrella for everything she’ll need on a rainy day.
Cost: $280
Where to Find It: Moov
ROOT Liqueur
Recipient: Your college kid brother (the one who needs to outgrow “Natty Lite” and move on to something a bit classier).
Reaction to Expect: He’ll surely be enthralled by the ingredients list before he notices that he’s holding liquor. It includes birch bark, wintergeen and other wild roots and herbs, so don’t be surprised if he mistakes it for a protein shake.
Reasons to Want One: These bottles are in limited quality, high demand and made from ingredients local to Pennsylvania. High-demand Philly bartenders have event chimed in on the best ways to mix the liqueur.
Wrapping Suggestion: Wrap the bottle in a brown paper bag with a bow tied around the top. After all, that’s’ what he’ll store it in when he sneaks it into his dorm.
Cost: $42
Where to Find It: Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction
Crewcuts hand-knit sweater
Recipient: Your nephew with too many toys and a knack for ditching his outerwear on the season’s chilliest days.
Reaction to Expect: Since boys notoriously have an adverse reaction to any gift that doesn’t provide mindless entertainment, don’t be discouraged when he throws it on the floor and moves on to the next box. (Note: the super soft lambswool might hold his attention for an additional 60 seconds.)
Reasons to Want One: He can dress it up or down, making it perfect for holiday parties or a chilly day at school.
Wrapping Suggestion: Since this may be the least fun of his gifts, pad the package with a few bags of candy.
Cost: $88
Where to Find It: Crewcuts, King of Prussia mall
Philly Dog Spot gift certificate: organic bath and de-shedding
Recipient: Your spoiled, bed-stealing, organically fed, hypoallergenic dog
Reaction to Expect: After the bath, they’ll be licking your face for days.
Reasons to Want One: With an organic bath and de-shedding, everyone wins. Your pup gets a nicer bath than most humans and you get a stink-free, de-shedded dog.
Wrapping Suggestion: Affix a few of Philly Dog Spot’s famous organic, all natural, human-grade doggie treats to the wrapper; his stomach will appreciate the thought, and the gift certificate will make it out in one piece.
Cost: $35
Where to Find It: Philly Dog Spot
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Your holiday sidekick: Two Paperdolls As virtual Facebook “gifts” make sad attempts to replace traditional holiday thoughtfulness, Two Paperdolls is quietly saving the day. Take it from us: receiving a pixilated gift box in our “notifications” is a lot less appealing than a custom, letter-pressed card. The custom design studio, housed in Wayne with a shop at the Piazza at Schmidts, uses old school letterpresses (some more than 100 years old) to create its one-of-a-kind pieces. Aside from staples like invitations and stationary, Two Paperdolls offers cards, gift tags, boxed note cards and more. Anyone (including your dog) will appreciate a box embellished with a pressed gift tag. Feeling adventurous? Let the studio design your holiday card this year. You’re in good hands: a few of their clients include Bloomingdale’s, The Philadelphia Eagles and Saks Fifth Avenue.
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Max Kaplan
