Nutter Muzzles Alleged Spanking Story

*Update: Mayor Nutter has since responded to the story, telling reporters, “This is a gossip column.  I’m not into gossip, I’m into governing.” It’s also been revealed that there are two spanks in the alleged video.

On the heels of his recent 60% approval rating, squeaky clean Mayor Nutter has just encountered his first, genuine sex scandal.

It seems that Fox 29 got its hands on some rather damning cell phone footage which allegedly depicts the mayor “spanking” an unidentified, blonde female during a late night soiree at North Bowl. While this isn’t the first time Nutter has been spotted in the midst of partying, the unreleased video is stirring up all sorts of rumors because Mayor Nutter reportedly suppressed Fox 29′s coverage of the incident.

The footage, which is said to clearly depict Mayor Nutter and a blonde woman, referred to in the video as “Andrea,” was shot last summer. The original witness to Nutter’s purported naughtiness just recently sent it to Fox 29.

While the Fox news department eagerly worked on what would be the story of the year, Mayor Nutter allegedly called the channel’s Vice President, Steve Schwaid, into his office for a sit-down. When the doors opened after their meeting, Steve Schwaid instructed his staff that the story was dead.

So now we’re left to speculate on our mayor’s alleged sexual transgressions. Was it an open-hand spank-and-grab? A backhand “go-get-em-tiger” tap? Or a full-on sex-spank performed while he thought no one was looking? The nuance matters, but, alas, we may never get to see what really happened, which could actually be worse for Nutter than if the video was released.

This latest killed story comes after another media scandal in which Philly Media Network censored an article on the sale of the Daily News and Philadelphia Inquirer.

I think we’ve made Rupert Murdoch and Bill O’ Reilly proud enough, Philadelphia.

Source: Philly.com

Chris Lipczynski

A graduate of Temple University, Chris Lipczynski continually spreads himself too thin, endeavoring in documentary films, “computer music,” first-person shooters, and manly hikes through the wilderness. Follow him on Twitter for daily musings and meaningless philosophical reflections: @RealChrisFlip.

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  • Abbeynormal

    who cares.

  • Mcget

    ” So now we’re left to speculate on our mayor’s alleged sexual transgressions. Was it an open-hand spank-and-grab? A backhand “go-get-em-tiger” tap? Or a full-on sex-spank performed while he thought no one was looking? The nuance matters, but, alas, we may never get to see what really happened, which could actually be worse for Nutter than if the video was released. “– actually, we’re not left to speculate on anything– there’s plenty of actual reporting to be done on the city’s financial condition, the schools, crime, Bob Brady could be a full-time beat, etc.

    No, let’s jack off endlessly about a bit of cell phone footage and avoid any real reporting.

    And sure, nuance matters. But so does substance. Will idiotic dissection about whether something was a full-on sex spank or not affect more than 3.5 people’s lives? Probably not.  Let’s see some real work, guys and gals.

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