Case Closed on Pooping Cab Driver

Well, that was fast. reports that the nationally renowned pooping cab driver, whom we’ve dubbed “The Plopper,” has been brought to justice.

Although his identity hasn’t been released to the public, a Freedom Taxi representative told the DN that The Plopper was swiftly terminated after being sniffed out by authorities. It also seems that his on-duty days have come to an end, as PPA spokesman Marty O’Rourke stated, ”His license has been suspended pending the outcome of the investigation. This behavior is totally outrageous and totally unacceptable.”

(Investigation? The guy clearly shat on the sidewalk; unless he has Crohn’s Disease, this is an open-and-shut case.)

In addition to losing his license, the criminal crapper will most likely have to pay a fine ranging from $350 to $1,000, which is a paltry sum when you consider the resulting trauma we’ll all have to cope with for decades to come (look for “Philadelphian Cab Driver” later this week on Urban Dictionary).

Anyway, it’s been real, plopper. Thanks for the puns.


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Chris Lipczynski

A graduate of Temple University, Chris Lipczynski continually spreads himself too thin, endeavoring in documentary films, “computer music,” first-person shooters, and manly hikes through the wilderness. Follow him on Twitter for daily musings and meaningless philosophical reflections: @RealChrisFlip.

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  • ambiguator

    he’s losing his driver’s license or his livery operator’s license?
    the latter i could understand, but the former is just cruel and unusual.

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