At the mere mention of Valentine’s Day, our boy problems seem to go from bad to worse. Texts are left unreturned, signals are more mixed than ever, and our ability to interpret boy code is undeniably off. Luckily, we’ve called in an expert (read: our office McDreamy) to set the record straight. Every day is a new lesson... stay tuned for more lessons in boy-ology.

Day One: Text
Though texting was invented to be quick, easy, and straight-to-the-point, these elusive little messages can be anything but. The single most important rule here? Discretion- in both content and frequency. Even if you're a self-proclaimed textaholic, refuse to engage in textual intercourse (i.e. instant message-like conversations that include questions like 'what's up?') to keep things mysterious. We love a challenge. If a girl is sending me hourly updates on her day, she's telling me that she's not only boring (who wants to hear about what you had for lunch?), but also available. So unattractive. Try this rule: for every two texts from him, send only one back. You should also aim to respond in a timely, yet 'not-constantly-holding-my-cell' manner. Strike a balance between "busy" and "interested" by keeping messages concise, yet flirtatious. Also, a word from the wise- like emails, texts can be saved. Don't say anything you wouldn't want the world (or at the very least, the person saved under the same letter in your phone) to read. Happy texting, ladies.

Day Two: Phone
We generally do not like the phone. Usually whatever we are doing before you called (making money, fixing the car, playing Xbox with our roommate) was a lot more important or fun than the ensuing old-school exchange of hellos. In the beginning of a relationship you get two, maybe three Get Out Of Jail Free cards; we understand we have to snuggle up on the couch with our cell and lay the foundation for a relationship, but after that, please keep the phone to a minimum. Males as a species are problem solvers, we are logical, so if you call us to talk we usually are just thinking about the bottom line. We'd prefer if every exchange had a point and a conclusion. Don't be hurt when you ask our opinion and we give your a straight, logical answer. If you want to vent or need sympathy, better call your mom.

*Exception to the rule: phone sex. We like that.

Here it comes, ladies: short of hacking into our personal email accounts (a major dating faux pas), there is not much you can do to ensure that what we're saying/doing/buying you is in tune with how we feel. With that said, the manner and content of an invitation can speak volumes to those burning questions about desire to commit, emotional availability, and whatever else it is that you ladies discuss over reruns of Sex & the City. Let's keep this simple. Though we'd gladly give our right pinky for court-side seats at the Sixers game, it's hardly an indicator of our allegiance to you. Here are some common invites that will help you determine where our intentions lie.

The Booty Call
This is What it Looks Like: He's sending you text messages (or worse, Facebook/MySpace messages) inquiring about what you're doing that moment. At 11:43pm. On a Thursday night.
What it Means: It's not romantic, it's a booty call. Do not take these invites seriously (unless you're into that), simply ignore and move on.

The Last Ditch Attempt
This is What it Looks Like: It's Friday afternoon, and he calls to invite you to his buddy's wedding... and it's tonight.
What it Means: Though it's a good sign that he'll introduce you to his friends, it looks like you weren't his first choice. Unless you're in Vegas, weddings are usually planned well in advance, thus giving him more than enough time to have invited you earlier in the week. Though we hate planning, we hate the wrath of a rushed woman even more.

The Proper Invite
This is What it Looks Like: It's Wednesday (or earlier) and he's called to inquire about your weekend plans- particularly Saturday, because he wants to take you out.
What it Means: He likes you. Bonus points for remembering that you love sushi.

The Friendly Gesture
This is What it Looks Like: He sends you a text/email/leaves a voicemail letting you know he is headed to a certain champagne bar in Old City.
What it Means: He doesn't want to tie himself down to one person (hence the non-specific is-this-an-invite speak), but he wouldn't mind seeing you. Chalk it up to his friendly nature, then see how he behaves when you get there. Is he chatting up a pretty blonde? If so, cab it right back to where you started, sister.

Day 4: Ignore
We want you, but we don't want you to want us. Well, we want you to pretend you don't, at least for a little. Men are natural hunters. We want to seek our prey, fight off any competitors and win the prize. No lion wants the zebra that prances up to the pack, drops down and begs to be ravished (so to speak). Let us chase you a little. Please--it's good for our egos. But the line between a good chase and too hard to get is a thin one. And please remember, our attention span is as long as Mark McGrath's career. So you can ignore one or two texts, maybe say your busy one Saturday night, but if you make yourself too sparse, don't be surprised if we've moved on to another zebra. Our attention only lasts so long until we chalk it up to a lost cause.

With Valentine's Day less than 24 hours away, we hope your guy has already solved the mystery of what to do for you on V-Day. Unfortunately, this is a tough one. Just because he gets you flowers, candy or a little stuffed animal with the words "be mine" printed on its' chest doesn't mean that he actually cares. He probably just feels obligated to do something since Hallmark and Kay Jewelers have made it their life goal to get guys into their stores, clueless and desperate, ready to empty their wallets in dismay. The good news? At least he made an effort. If he didn't want anything to do with you, there would be no contact on February 14th. Trust me, he would shut down just to ensure that your mind wouldn't mentally drag him down the aisle when all he wants is someone to snuggle with on Thursday nights when he is bored, alone or pretending he's not watching Grey's Anatomy. Look for clues in the card, the delivery (did he bring it over himself?), and whether it's something you said you liked at one time or another. Items like mix CDs, goodies from your favorite bakery, anything engraved, or something specific to one of your personal hobbies are very good signs. Oh- and when it comes to sending him a V-Day gift, the general rule of thumb is this: nothing too lovey-dovey or expensive. Keep it simple. Send him a note to let him know that you're thinking of him, drop off a copy of his favorite magazine or just show up armed with guy-friendly DVDs and your cutest PJs. Overspending and overthinking always mean the same thing: desperation.